serve others

Beneath The Skin


” For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
Today, my vision got a little clearer, and I had a lot put into perspective. For years, my husband has been telling me the damaging effects of being in the beauty industry. Yes, he supports me in all that I do, but never encouraged being put in a position of being constantly compared or told that you weren’t quite good enough. I ignored it initially, after all, I was just having fun with it? I never took it seriously enough to let those things get to me.. until it started happening. 

We were never made to live this way.. in constant comparison to each other, but unfortunately, that is what social media and media in general is doing to us! Even if we don’t admit that we fall into this category; subconsciously, we think it, and we feel it to a degree. Growing up, especially in middle school, I was constantly picked on for my appearance. The classic “ginger” jokes if you will. I carried some of that pain with me all through high school, and it was damaging to my relationships. This subconcious critic was slowly destroying my opinion of myself. That should NEVER happen. 

God never created us to be so self centered. Who are we to think we deserve certain titles or positions? I was humbled by this realization today. I always had my husband’s wise words in the back of my mind, questioning me if modeling was a safe bet to place the perception of my self worth. Despite this, I continued pushing forward, but for what? What fulfillment, other than self-centered egoic satisfaction, could modeling possibly give me? This was the moment God’s Spirit softly reminded me; life isn’t, and shouldn’t be about “me, me ,me .” That’s the problem.

     Recently, I have been given opportunities that I thought were going to be somewhat of a “stepping stone,” but God decided to intervene. He lovingly said, “No.” Initially, my ego took it very hard, and I made a few phone calls to vent. I didn’t want to believe that after all my efforts, all the sacrifices, it wasn’t going to work out for me. What I failed to realize, however, is that it will all work out for the good of those who love Christ; it just may be in a way I never expected.

Amazingly, in that moment, something happened, and I was given this strong motivation to share. I decided that I am fed up with being judged, compared, and getting the same message.. “Yeah , you’re good and all, but THIS girl.” No! You don’t get to sum up my worth, or classify me. 
This moment of clarity gave me such serenity! I am so full of peace! I am who I am, and I was created for a purpose; not for self, but for others. All this time, instead of taking it personally, I should have been thanking God! We pray all the time for God to lead, to direct us, and here I have been pouting about the fact that feeding my ego just isn’t working out for me.. Well, maybe that’s because God doesn’t want me to serve self, but to serve others. 
No, I don’t know where to begin, but I know that I am going to continue to let The Spirit speak, direct me, and I will try with all my heart listen and obey this time. Thank you God for this realization.
  
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

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