trust

Beaneath The Skin


” For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

Today, my vision got a little clearer, and I had a lot put into perspective. For years, my husband has been telling me the damaging effects of being in the beauty industry. Yes, he supports me in all that I do, but never encouraged being put in a position of being constantly compared or told that you weren’t quite good enough. I ignored it initially, after all, I was just having fun with it? I never took it seriously enough to let those things get to me.. until it started happening.

We were never made to live this way.. in constant comparison to each other, but unfortunately, that is what social media and media in general has done to us! Even if we don’t admit that we fall into this category, subconsciously, we think it, and we feel it to a degree. Growing up, especially in middle school, I was constantly picked on for my appearance. The classic “ginger” jokes if you will. I carried some of that pain with me all through high school and it was damaging to my relationships and all in all was slowly destroying my opinion of myself. That should NEVER happen.

God never created us to be so self centered. Who are we to think we deserve certain titles or positions? I was humbled by this realization today. I always had my husbands wise words in the back of my mind, questioning if modeling was right for me, but kept pushing forward , for what? What fulfillment other than self-centeredness, and ego, could modeling possibly give to me? But it isn’t and shouldn’t be about ” me, me ,me “. That’s the problem. Recently, I have been given opportunities that I thought were going to be somewhat of a “stepping stone”, but God decided to intervene. He said, no. Initially, my ego took it very hard, and I made a few phone calls to vent.  I didn’t want to believe that after all my efforts that it wasn’t going to work out for me. At least, not the way I intended.

Then, amazingly, something happened, and I had this strong urge and motivation to share. I decided that I am fed up with being judged, compared and told , “yeah , you’re good, but THIS girl.” No, you don’t get to sum up my worth, and try to discourage me. I am feeling more at peace with acceptance of the fact that I am free of that judgment and nobodies opinion of me is even held to any sort of importance. I am who I am, and I was created for a purpose, not for self, but for others. All this time, instead of taking it personally, I should’ve been thanking God. We pray all the time for God to lead and direct us, and here I have been pouting and getting mad it wasn’t working out for me. Well, maybe that’s because God doesn’t want me to self serve, but to serve others.

No, I don’t know where to begin, but I know that I am going to continue to let The Spirit speak, and direct me , and I intend on fully listening and obeying this time. Thank you God for this realization.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

 

 

 

Beneath The Skin


” For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
Today, my vision got a little clearer, and I had a lot put into perspective. For years, my husband has been telling me the damaging effects of being in the beauty industry. Yes, he supports me in all that I do, but never encouraged being put in a position of being constantly compared or told that you weren’t quite good enough. I ignored it initially, after all, I was just having fun with it? I never took it seriously enough to let those things get to me.. until it started happening. 

We were never made to live this way.. in constant comparison to each other, but unfortunately, that is what social media and media in general is doing to us! Even if we don’t admit that we fall into this category; subconsciously, we think it, and we feel it to a degree. Growing up, especially in middle school, I was constantly picked on for my appearance. The classic “ginger” jokes if you will. I carried some of that pain with me all through high school, and it was damaging to my relationships. This subconcious critic was slowly destroying my opinion of myself. That should NEVER happen. 

God never created us to be so self centered. Who are we to think we deserve certain titles or positions? I was humbled by this realization today. I always had my husband’s wise words in the back of my mind, questioning me if modeling was a safe bet to place the perception of my self worth. Despite this, I continued pushing forward, but for what? What fulfillment, other than self-centered egoic satisfaction, could modeling possibly give me? This was the moment God’s Spirit softly reminded me; life isn’t, and shouldn’t be about “me, me ,me .” That’s the problem.

     Recently, I have been given opportunities that I thought were going to be somewhat of a “stepping stone,” but God decided to intervene. He lovingly said, “No.” Initially, my ego took it very hard, and I made a few phone calls to vent. I didn’t want to believe that after all my efforts, all the sacrifices, it wasn’t going to work out for me. What I failed to realize, however, is that it will all work out for the good of those who love Christ; it just may be in a way I never expected.

Amazingly, in that moment, something happened, and I was given this strong motivation to share. I decided that I am fed up with being judged, compared, and getting the same message.. “Yeah , you’re good and all, but THIS girl.” No! You don’t get to sum up my worth, or classify me. 
This moment of clarity gave me such serenity! I am so full of peace! I am who I am, and I was created for a purpose; not for self, but for others. All this time, instead of taking it personally, I should have been thanking God! We pray all the time for God to lead, to direct us, and here I have been pouting about the fact that feeding my ego just isn’t working out for me.. Well, maybe that’s because God doesn’t want me to serve self, but to serve others. 
No, I don’t know where to begin, but I know that I am going to continue to let The Spirit speak, direct me, and I will try with all my heart listen and obey this time. Thank you God for this realization.
  
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

He Cleanses 


Last night, on our way back home from West Virginia, Caleb decided to stop at the store for a few last minute things. I had discussed with him on the way home that I was continuing to have a hard time with my anxiety and I just didn’t know how I was going to shake it, that I wanted to seek out more help because I cannot continue to live this way. 

When we arrived home, to my surprise, he pulled out two books. He said that he had prayed and really felt the spirit moving him to grab a particular two. I immediately went to get my reading glasses, made some hot chocolate and curled up into bed to start getting some answers. The entire time that I’ve gone through this I had never looked at it in the way that the book explained. – 

Spend a moment in solemn reflection. What is the ” dross ” in your life that needs to be purged? It may be arrogance, pride, love of praise, love attention, self-will, stubbornness, an unteachable spirit, peevishness, immaturity, jealousy, anger, impatience, love of money, selfishness, or an unforgiving spirit. All such “dross” grieves the Holy Spirit who dwells within us and so we must be “refined” and “purged”. This means that we must “pass through the fire “, but there is some comfort for you here.

The book also explained how God does not put us through these things to consume us but to bring out the beauty in us. When we commit our life to Christ, the Holy Spirit lives within us, but, when we are filled with dross, He cannot truly live there , so what does He do? He cleanses .  These three facts brought me so much comfort, and I hope that they will to you as well if you are now facing your fiery trial. 

*First, he is never harmed by the fire can you tell me that you were ever harmed by gods fastening? Oh, this doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, but always the hurt is for our good.

* Second, the fire sets free from the shackles of carnality that hindered. The most radiant Christians are the ones who have suffered the most.

* Third, God’s presence is very real and precious in the fire.

These three things helped me so much and reassured me that He is not consuming me but the “dross ” out of my life so that I may be purified and cleansed. What an amazing realization. I also began journaling, as the book you see, Fervent, is a battle plan for strategic prayer. I highly recommend this and will definitely blog about how it has helped me and what it has put into perspective. I’m already learning so much and I can’t wait to share it with you.

  
Quotes and text shared from -Comfort for troubled Christians by J.C. Brumfield 

Fear Not 


God Works Great Things Even Through Small People 
What a change takes place in your mind and imagination when it dawns on you that you are not the star of your own play, when it dawns on you that you are actually working for God and not vice versa. You are an employee in his company! That means that he sets up your job description, assigns you a salary, and determines your benefit package. 
What a relief it is when it dawns on you that your earthly life is not the be-all and end-all. This is training time. God is using us as he needs us, and we often can’t see our influence or roles clearly. Sometimes we serve his agenda by being strong, sometimes by being broken. Sometimes we serve his agenda by being famous as achievers and sometimes by “failing.” What matters is to accept his guidance eagerly and accept his place and opportunities in life cheerfully. 
Here is the bright hope that draws us on: “Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs” (Isaiah 61:7). 
God always gets the last word. Even when you feel like a failure now, his last word is Winner!

  
This devotion brought to you by the youversion bible app. The fear not devotional. 

Merry Christmas Eve Eve ! Xoxox 

I hope that everybody has a beautiful holiday and remembers the reason for the season. 

Be Fully Satisfied


Be Fully Satisfied 
Many people pursue possessions and awards to satisfy their inner need for contentment. But we can be fully satisfied in lean times and in times of abundance, whether we abase or abound (see Philippians 4:12), when we learn to enjoy fellowship with the Lord as soon as we wake up. 
Before you are fully awake, you can start talking to God. Just thank Him for seeing you through yesterday, and for being with you today. Praise Him for providing for you, and for working out all the situations in your life for your good. 
Ask Him to make you aware of His presence all day long. Peace fills your heart when your mind is on the Lord. Nothing is more satisfying than walking with God. 

  
From the book Starting Your Day Right by Joyce Meyer. Copyright 2003 by Joyce Meyer. Published by FaithWords. All rights reserved.

Let God Be Good to You


Isn’t this a wonderful verse? It tells you God is waiting to be good to you. He’s actually looking and longing for an opportunity to show His goodness. He is a God of justice and He desires to make every wrong thing right. But He can only be good to those who are waiting for Him to be good to them, those who believe His promises. 
Are you available? Don’t fall into Satan’s trap of being negative. Don’t believe when he tells you your past is really not past and your future is bleak. Choose to believe God and get ready to receive the wonderful gifts He is waiting to give to you. Go to sleep meditating on this thought: Something good is going to happen to me! 
From the book Ending Your Day Right by Joyce Meyer. Copyright 2004 by Joyce Meyer. Published by FaithWords. All rights reserved.
  

Overcoming Struggles


I Won’t Let What I Want Rob Me Of What I Have
Contentment and gratitude aren’t identical, but they sure are family. Contentment lives somewhere near the beginning of the path toward a more grateful perspective.
For instance, it’s difficult to have gratitude for something you’ve received when you’re at the same time wanting more of that very thing. Think of a toddler who says thank you for sweets because they’ve discovered that’s how to get more. Are they glad to have the sweets? Yes. But, are they content with what they’ve already received? Probably not. A grateful perspective realizes God gave us the good we have, responds with praise, and then believes His good is enough. Yet, we often come to God with a toddler-like, “Thank you. More, please.”
How do we keep discontentment from robbing us of the realization of God’s all-sufficient provision? We practice saying, “Thank You, God. You’re enough.” When we do, we’ll find gratitude turns what we have into enough.
Try this: Look around you and start thanking God for the things you see. Start a mental list today of the things He’s done for you. Share them in a discussion or post them on social media this week.

Devotional by -Craig Groeschel